Doomsday Scenario
A doomsday scenario is a hypothetical situation used by persons studying disasters to plan emergency responses. No one really believes they'll ever happen, even when they seem plausible. The most common doomsday scenario is called the "ticking time bomb", which features an heroic American, a terrorist and a city held hostage by the terrorist's bomb and the only way to find out where the bomb is and how to diffuse it is by using legally-vetted enhanced interrogation techniques. Others scenarios include North Korea or Iran getting nuculer weapons, socialized medicine and anything that promotes the The Homosexual Agenda (including, but not limited to Gay Marriage, Gays in the Military and dancing). The Doom Bunker During the inaugural edition of Stephen Colbert's Doom Bunker, Dr. Colbert enumerated four doomsday scenarios: SCENARIO #1 :* the year is 2012 :* the Dow is trading below 1000 :* unemployment is at 40% :* there is an armed insurrection in El Kañsas (pronounced el kahn-yawn-zas) SCENARIO #2 :* the year is 2014 :* the Dow is trading below 250 :* Koala Pox wiped out all of the world's livestock :* Soy beans have replaced money SCENARIO #3 :* the year is 2019 :* the U.S. auto industry is gone :* but, every car in America turns out to be a Decepticon SCENARIO #4 :* the year is 2012 :* Obama's policies have worked :* pulling out of Iraq was the right thing to do :* stimulus plan has the Dow rebounding somewhere around 12,000 :* people's faith in the government is restored Related Tubes * Glenn Beck * Naomi Klein * Grover Norquist * Svalbard Global Seed Vault * Department of Fantastic Scenario Design * Gay Marriage Other Doomsday Scenarios The Heroes know there are plenty other scenarios that we have to be ready for in the off-chance that they could happen. Please post your doomsday scenarios below, so we can get a jump on the future! Click here to add your new scenario! Al Gore Immortality Scenario * Scientists discover that all the hot air produced by Al Gore can provide power to every American, finally freeing us from foreign oil. To keep this power source going, they develop technology to make him immortal! Jolie-Octomom Lip Armageddon * Angelina Jolie and Octomom begin an ever-escalating adoption war. Eventually they adopt everyone, demanding mandatory lip enlargements, which block out the sun killing all life on America's Planet! Al Gore and David Suzuki Team-Up and Destroy Earth Scenario Al Gore and David Suzuki (the Canadian almost of Al Gore)watch Dragon Ball Z and learn the ancient fusion dance. They fuse together to create Gorezuki. Gorezuki see's that all the people breath in oxygen and breath out Carbon Dioxide. Gorezuki sees this as polution and goes on a killing rampage destroying all of humanity. Hordes of zombies will rise up out of the Atlantic ocean Hordes of zombies will rise up out of the Atlantic ocean decimating the Armies of America and the cities of the east coast are evacuated. Everything west of the Mississippi is declared a Zombie free zone. Washington DC lies in ruins (although much of the infrastructure remains intact)and a new provisional capital is established in (insert city and state). Just when it seems that all hope is lost tests performed on captured zombies reveal that zombies are actually terrified of Chuck Norris's beard and his wooden acting style. Congress and the senate decide that the only course of action is to hand over the reigns of government to Chuck and he is declared the first Emperor of the Americas. Emperor Chuck enlists the help of Keanu Reaves and Freddie Prinze Jr. who are both graduates Summa Cum Laude of the Chuck Norris School of Acting. During the long campaign that followed Emperor Chuck falls in love with both Keanu and Freddie Prinze Jr. and they with him, and Freddie and Keanu will windmill at each other and kick and scratch and bite and have hair pulling contests to see who gets to sleep in Emperor Chuck's manly embrace and just when it seems that jealousy will tear the trio apart Keanu and Freddie Prinze Jr decide to put aside their differences (for humanities sake) and share Emperor Chuck with one another. The battles waged are long and hard but in the end Emperor Chuck's Kung Fu and the trio's reenactments of Walker Texas Ranger scenarios so terrify the horrible zombies that on Jan 11th 2010 they are finally driven back into the ocean from which they came. Three weeks later Emperor Chuck and Keanu Reaves will marry. The wedding will be attended by many HollyWood elites. The marriage of course will be an open one which will include Freddie Prinze Jr. . To ensure that the zombies never return large screen televisions are strategically placed all along the east coast which broadcast on an endless loop "Emperor Chuck: Zombie Wars" which is directed, produced and stars Emperor Chuck his wife Keanu and mistress Freddie Prinze Jr. . The story chronicles the zombie incursions and the Emperor's magical relationship with Keanu and Freddie. Like Samson whose strength lives in the hair on his head, all of Emperor Chuck's intelligence resides in his facial hair. The saga is written by none other than Chuck Norris's beard. All Hail Emperor Chuck And His Beard And Wife Keanu And Mistress Freddie Prinze Jr. Of course none of this really matters because in 2012 Tom Cruise will inhale everything within the orbits of Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars with his anus which is where we all will reside until the end of all time. All prophecies were inspired by a stinky rope woven from the umbilical cords of stillborn female children which was given to me by a little old African man from the heart of the Congo (I helped him across the street).